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THE FAMILY ISSUES INTERVIEW: JUNE 2002
This is the second in a monthly series of interviews with freethinking parents. Laura DiMinno describes herself as “a Broadway-bound playwright, an owner of Restoration Tea, LLC, a mother of two, a wife of one, a sister of five, an aunt of nine, a friend of many, and a powerful creator of living my realized dreams.” She now resides in Evergreen, Colorado, with her husband, Matthew, and her two daughters, Melanie (5) and Suzy (2). FI: You came from a pretty big family, right? LD: Yes. I grew up in a household of eight people in La Crescenta, California. FI: What was that like? LD: Well, sometimes terrifying, with lots of pain and sadness, but then also exhilarating --- lots of music and fun vacations. FI: And one especially difficult time, I know. LD: Yes. When I was sixteen, my mother committed suicide on Easter Sunday. I then sunk into a ten-year depression disguised as a couch potato in critical condition, eventually emerging as a walking zombie seeking meaningless jobs and abusive men, then finally breaking through to a woman trying to understand why she chose hell in the first place, to an extraordinary human being realizing herself as the possibility of living her life fully self-expressed, creating dreams come true. Somehow in this hiatus from life, I managed to earn my BA in Theatre Arts at Cal State Northridge, and, most importantly, created a network of friends that proved to be a lifeline in my most challenging times. FI: So can you give us a snapshot of your life philosophy? LD: I believe that life is creative energy, and like all energy, life must flow. I believe we human beings flow as creative energy, as long as we're listening to ourselves - following our hearts, our gut instinct, our inner voice which is our soul, ourselves speaking to us, guiding the way. I believe we create our lives by the choices we make about ourselves and our lives, therefore, by the consequences we choose - choice and consequence go hand in hand. We create space in our lives to live fully when we honor ourselves and get out of our way - again, I believe everything exists in our listening. FI: And what about religion? LD: I do not believe in organized religion. I grew up as a Christian (Episcopalian - denominations, what crap!), and what I find I loved most about my churchgoing experiences was the church itself and all that it held inside - pageantry, incense, stained glass windows, people, music, and quiet. I felt like it was my sanctuary. I realize now that I can create my own sanctuary and experience the same peace I felt in the church. What I could never quite grasp was what I interpret as all the contradictions, the shame-basing, the hypocrisy, the prejudice, the fear-ridden rules, and the arrogant doctrine in the religion that was teaching love, peace and honor in the same breath. I believe that organized religion is a huge business that uses and abuses spirituality to manipulate its members and its community to make more money - I see organized religion as the agendas attached to spirituality. I believe that all the answers we need in this life are within us, if we just listen. FI: And now you’re the mother of two little girls. Have you talked to them about your beliefs? LD: We have never sat down to have a talk about it. I live what I believe, and in that, I share all my breakdowns and breakthroughs within that with my girls. My children learn first hand how I believe by how I am being in this life. I am not one to live the "do as I say, not as I do". FI: And your husband Matt --- does he have the same views regarding religion? LD: Yes. Matt and I have the same views. FI: Have the two of you had to help your kids deal with the death of a loved one? If so, what did you say by way of explanation or comfort? LD: Actually, my daughter Melanie experienced her first heartbreak last week when her dog, Dylan, died. He was lying there before us barely breathing, and my daughter started bawling. She was holding him around the neck pleading for him to live. I told Mellie that Dylan was getting ready to pass on, to die, and to be with the angels and that we could help him pass by sharing with him how much we love him and by acknowledging him and thanking him for everything. She did just that as her dog stared up at her with those eyes of concern that he always expressed when she was sad. She then crawled in my lap and said to me, "Mommy, I will let go of all of this, but I will never let go of how much I love him." I have always shared with her that when we die, our physical body dies, and our spirit lives on whether we hear it in the wind, see it in a bird, feel it in a song, or experience it in another loved one - whatever it is for her - the spirit - energy. FI: And were you satisfied with the way you were able to help her through that? LD: I was satisfied with my response, yes, because I don't ever tell her that anything is the truth and that she must believe it; instead, I share what I believe and allow her to take from it what she chooses. FI: Which suggests a certain approach to religion as a whole, it seems. Can you describe how you plan to approach religion in raising your kids? LD: I won't sign them up to go to church, but I will be there for them when they have questions about it. Truthfully, I hope that they never want to go to church, and if they do, I will let them experience for themselves what religion is for them when they can make that choice on their own - when they are much much older, say, 85!! Actually, I will deal with the issue of religion when it comes up, and at that moment I will listen to my heart and act accordingly. FI: I know you were once a devoted Christian. How has the rest of your family dealt with your "deconversion"? Any concern from Christian family members about the raising of your children outside the church? LD: My sister, as I interpret, freaked out. My "deconversion" scared her to no end. I used to receive letters from her warning me of hell where I was headed if I didn't believe in Jesus Christ as my savior. I was very irritated and sad with that. This issue got in between us for years, until at one point, we just agreed to disagree. I believe that we were able to reach that point, because I chose to be authentic vs. defensive or having to be right. As for the rest of my family, I don't know how they feel about my "deconversion" - quite frankly, the subject doesn't come up, and again, I believe it is because I am taking on being authentic. When I wasn't doing that, everyone I knew that was a Christian, had the opening to tell me to get back to Christ, so to speak, as a way of helping me and saving me - as if my breakdowns in life were all a result of my "deconversion". Aaargh. I just want to say, "Take responsibility for your own life!" Again, listening is the key, and if anyone is having trouble with others not agreeing with how they are raising their children with or without religion, my coaching is to be present with what comes up for you at that moment - fear, anger, frustration - and do the inquiry - take responsibility for yourself and find what it is that makes you tick, because in that there is clarity and in clarity there is peace. If you find yourself wanting to argue about religion and to be defensive - stop, breathe, and do the inquiry, and most importantly, listen. This act takes courage - take on being courageous! |
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