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THE FAMILY ISSUES INTERVIEW: MAY 2002
This is the first in a monthly series of interviews with freethinking parents. Panos Parissis is a 38-year old computer programmer living in Athens, Greece. He is also the sitekeeper of the outstanding rationalist website "The Search for Terrestrial Intelligence" (www.sti.gr) and father of two girls, Anna (6) and Angelica (18 months). FI: How would you describe your philosophical/religious beliefs? PP: Well, philosophically speaking, I'm in love with materialism. Of course we have our ups and downs, but at the end of the day it's my only meaningful relationship with a philosophical system that managed to stay alive for so long. Materialism or physicalism (like naturalism) is a metaphysical theory which holds that all phenomena can be explained mechanistically in terms of natural (as opposed to supernatural) causes and laws, with the twist that spiritual substance is considered a delusion. Please note that materialism (like atheism) is the surest way to get one in trouble when mentioned in most social contexts. I have been asked all kinds of silly questions whenever I made the mistake to identify myself as a materialist. For example: do I value material things only? (I invariably think "Is there any other kind?" or "It depends on the material.") Am I a greedy person? ("Not particularly. What about you?") Do I think that there are no such things as feelings? ("No, I don't think that.") Am I an immoral person? ("Do I seem like one?") Am I a communist? ("Do you miss the States?") Of course I get asked exactly the same kind of questions if I mention that I am an atheist. Speaking of atheism, I'm the non-evangelical type. I think that people believe in God(s) because they need to for their own obscure reasons, and this has nothing to do with reason, so nobody can reason for or against such a choice. I am an atheist simply because extraordinary claims should be supported by extraordinary proofs, but no such proof has been provided for the existence of God so far. In Massimo Pigliucci's terms (Skeptic vol. 8, issue 2, 2000) I'm a strict scientific rationalist. FI: Have you discussed your religious beliefs with your daughter Anna? If so, how was it presented and how was it received? PP: I had a discussion with Anna when she was five, but it was not received well. As you probably know there is a powerful church in Greece (Greek Orthodox) which has the right to indoctrinate children in public schools. Technically a parent may ask his or her children to be excused from religious lessons, but unfortunately religion is tightly woven to the everyday life of both public and private schools. So Anna returned home one day and asked me if Jesus was looking after me (or something like that) and I answered politely "no, I don't believe that kind of stuff." I tried to point out that in India, in Pakistan and in China someone else is supposed to look after children. I remember her confusion over the clash of two authorities, her father and her teacher. After talking about it for a few minutes and seeing my child's growing anxiety, I decided to drop the subject and wait till later. The only thing I tried to squeeze in her little mind was that I would be glad if she could make up her own mind in this matter, without depending on what other people (including me) say or think. Here is an anecdote, typical of the situation in Greece: when I escorted my wife to the maternity hospital to have our second child, the admission clerk began asking me a series of questions, like the number of our children, our education level, etc. In the end she asked about my "religious dogma." I answered "this is personal." She said "Oh, it's purely for statistical reasons." I said "Ok, none." She looked at her computer and said "Sorry, 'none' is not in the list!" So I said, joking: "If it isn't in the list it must be an unacceptable answer." But the joke was lost to her: "You are probably right. Do you mind if I put something else?" I said "no" and went straight to my wife. After two days, when I went to the registrar's office inside the hospital, I was informed that the child was already registered as Christian Orthodox like both her parents! FI: How do your religious views compare with those of your wife? If there are significant differences, what parenting issues have arisen? PP: To tell you the truth, I have never asked my wife about her religious beliefs. Since she doesn't seem all that eager to share them with me, I respect her privacy. The good thing is that we have the same attitude towards our children: we advise them to keep an open mind and think for themselves. Unfortunately this is not the case with grandparents. They are trying to compensate for the lack of religious teaching in home by taking Anna to the church. They know that I don't like it and they know that I will hear about it, but they can't help it. I do not quarrel with them over this matter, because I do not want the children to imagine that going to church is prohibited or (even worse) should be considered a revolutionary action. FI: Have your kids experienced the death of a loved one? If so, what did you what did you say by way of explanation or comfort? PP: Fortunately, my children have not experienced the death of a loved one up to now. I hope that when this happens, they will be more mature. I'm aware that small children believe in magic and tend to like comforting explanations regardless of their affiliation with reality. And I believe that this is a luxury small children should be allowed to have, as long as they snap out of it when they grow up. FI: What is The Secret to raising children free of religion, if that is your goal? If it isn't, please speak to that. PP: I would love to be able to raise my children free of religion (and many other mental constraints), but this is impossible. They don't grow up in a vacuum and religion is all over us. They must learn to deal with that in their own way. The key point, regardless of their beliefs, is very simple: they should tolerate other people's beliefs, but they should not tolerate other people imposing their beliefs on them. |
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