... the only democratic national atheist organization in the United States ...
AAI 2008 Community Cooperation Award applications available - Deadline August 31!
Now Available! 2007 Convention DVDs - Convention Collectibles - Convention Photos
|
THE FAMILY ISSUES INTERVIEW: JANUARY 2003
This is the sixth in an occasional series of interviews with freethinking parents. David Silverman, 36, is an accomplished Marketing Director and professional inventor with 65 issued patents. He has earned BA, and MBA degrees, as well as a CAGS. He currently serves as the National Youth and Family Director and New Jersey State Director for American Atheists. He has a five-year old daughter. FI: How long have you considered yourself an Atheist? DS: I've been an Atheist since I was 6 years old. My revelation at that age came after no great tragedy, no terrible circumstance, and nobody told me. I just had what I call my first truly independent thought. FI: And why "Atheist" as your label-of-choice, instead of the alternatives? DS: I think the label is important because bigotry comes from ignorance (which comes from not knowing any Atheists), and many people are bigoted against Atheists to some extent. If I use Atheist, I put a face to the name, possibly for the first time. They must then deal with the fact that this Atheist is not what they expected, and is indeed a nice guy! If I use a "secular Humanist" label, one may say "oh well, at least you're not an Atheist," and I haven't done anything to challenge the stereotype I fight. As a result, I strongly encourage people to use the "A-word" as much as possible. To Jews, I call myself a Jewish Atheist. I only use this term to Jews, because Judaism comes with many nonreligious aspects, and most non-Jews don't know that (they just think I'm an idiot). Jews know exactly what it means, and it takes them off the idea that I have abandoned my heritage, which I have not. FI: And your wife has different beliefs, if that correct? DS: That's right. I am married to a practicing Jew. FI: And how have the two of you worked this out in raising your daughter? DS: We have a daughter who is fully aware that Mommy and Daddy don't agree on God. The only thing we are teaching her is that you can disagree on religion and still be friends. She understands that Daddy is an Atheist and doesn't believe in God. She understands that Mommy does believe in God, and that we are a Jewish family. She understands that we are a minority in both respects, and that most of her friends are different. We attend both Jewish and Atheist functions, and make it clear to her which is which. Some people ask me if I am worried that she will grow up to be religious like her Mom. I am not. I will show her my way. If she completely abandons Atheism and becomes a practicing Jew of her own accord, then she will be just like the woman I love. That's fine by me. FI: You and your wife seem to have worked out a smooth and mutually respectful relationship around this topic, and presumably around others as well. What's the secret to creating a successful mixed parenting team vis-à-vis religion? DS: Two important things. The first is that we have never tried to change each other, instead supporting each other's beliefs. The second is that we had DETAILED discussions before we were married on how we would raise our children, and came to a verbal contract to which we both adhere. Too many marriages hit trouble when a child is born and the parents have differing views on how to raise them. My wife and I agreed to my child's upbringing (religious school, bat Mitzvah, etc) before we were married. FI: One of the most difficult issues for parents of any viewpoint is death. Has your daughter dealt with the death of a loved one yet? DS: Yes --- she lost an uncle recently. FI: And what was your response to her questions or feelings at that time? DS: We tell the exact truth to our daughter whenever possible. When her uncle died, we told her that Daddy believes life is over at death, and Mommy believes it is not. We told her nobody knows for sure (even though both Mommy and Daddy think they do). It was a sad time for her, because this is when she realized her own mortality and began to fear death. We used that to promote good health, exercise, and daily vitamins to live as long as possible. We also explained that Uncle wasn't in pain anymore, that he wasn't sad anymore, and that he wasn't hurting anymore. She seemed to take that all well. FI: You've described your daughter attending a religious school, being bat mitzvahed, etc.... Would you say her upbringing is primarily religious, then? DS: No, not at all. There's a balance. She is going to attend a Secular Jewish school (Jewish Atheists) and Mommy will supplement with God belief as she sees fit. This way, my daughter will gain a Jewish identity, and we won't have to worry about her being told that Daddy is somehow bad because of his Atheism. We tell our daughter that the only people who are completely and utterly wrong are those who say their way is "the only way". We talk with her friends' parents, some of whom are religious Christians, to determine if the parents intend to recruit my child. We make it very clear that this is not cool, but have not yet seen a problem. My daughter HAS spent an overnight with her religious friends, and I probed her afterwards. There was no problem. I CANNOT STRESS ENOUGH that all parents need to know their child's friends' parents. Some are completely unsuitable guardians for a nonreligious child. FI: So what would you describe as the biggest challenges in raising a child outside of an exclusively religious worldview? DS: I have had no problems, except the same problem addressed by every minority parent. My daughter wants to belong, and wants to be Christian sometimes. We don't ever let that happen. We instill pride at being one of the few, instead of one of the many. FI: And your greatest joy? DS: My greatest Joy comes from raising a nonjudgmental kid. She marched with me in Washington at the GAMOW, she goes to temple with Mommy, and she has Muslim, Hindu, Atheist, Jewish, and Christian friends. Slowly but surely, she's getting it -- she's becoming a very tolerant and loving human. |
| Questions or Comments? Whether you want to get involved, or you found a broken link, write to: |
| COPYRIGHT © 2008 Atheist Alliance |